Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Tuesday XI: International Pick Up Edition

Editor’s Note: We continue a great new feature on the Free Beer Movement site. In collaboration with the quality soccer site, “The Other 87 Minutes” we present the “Tuesday XI” (and sometimes the “Tuesday Ten”) a thoughtful list on a variety of topics in the world of soccer.

Make sure you head over to “The Other 87 M
inutes” and check out all the… well… other great writing on their site. What do you think of the “Tuesday XI”? Let us know in the comments section!

We’ve already examined the stereotypical pick-up XI. But what would it look like broken down by nationality? We’ve assembled some standout players from our personal experience on the field to bring you an International Pick-Up XI.

GK – My Old Lady (Italy) – Spends his time at the back yelling about how they play football in the old country, how Totti is the second coming of Christ, and how Calciopoli was an English conspiracy that never happened.
LB – The Gentleman (England) – Sits on the backline chatting about how he has faith in Wenger’s long-term plans, completely ignoring the onslaught of goals around him.
CB – Mr. Popov (Russia) – Shows up drunk and leaves angry. Lots of unnecessary heel clips in between.
CB – Khawaaja T (Iran) – Manages to play in gold chains, jeans, and a black T-shirt without breaking a sweat.
RB – Commander Cowboy (United States) – Joins 15 minutes late because he was throwing a Frisbee; leaves 15 minutes early to throw a football.
LM – The Diouf (Senegal) – What he lacks in momentum, he more than makes up in swagger.
CM – Senor Pudge (Mexico) – Somehow this 5’2”, 200 pound hunk of player has both the height to reach lobbed balls and the speed to beat you through the middle of the pitch.
RM – The Spawn of Cruyff (Netherlands) – Can toy with you endlessly with seemingly simple moves, then leave you in the dust with a nutmeg. Every time.
LF – L’Étranger (Algeria) – Pretends to have the disaffected suaveness of a Parisian artist. Will complain about the slightest contact against him, then slide tackle you from behind and pretend he got ball.
ST – Super Eagle (Nigeria) – Knows how to do two things: pull off awkward roulettes, and sky shots over shoe goals into the parking lot.
RF – Seoul Train (South Korea) – Will destroy you for pace up and down the wing in the first half of the game, take a cigarette break, then destroy you once again in the second half.

About “The Other 87 Minutes”
What is this new site we’re exposing you too? We’ll let them explain:

The Other 87 seeks to provide something that’s not instant analysis or eve of matchday previews. Think of us as the good bits of your favorite soccer coverage: the profiles that examine what makes a certain player tick, the historical background that sheds some light on how the sport has evolved to the present day, the silly features that are more than just tacking names on a list, but considering and explaining why each one deserves to be there.
O87 wants to be a home for soccer writing that makes you think, but that also treats the game as just that, a game. The greatest game, the one we obsess over and fixate on, to the point where we can’t read that gas costs 3.43 a gallon without thinking of Ajax’s 1995 Champions League winning team. But a game nonetheless.
“When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball three minutes on average. The best players – the Zidanes, Ronaldinhos, Gerrards – will have the ball maybe four minutes. Lesser players – defenders – probably two minutes. So, the most important thing is: what do you do those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball…. That is what determines whether you’re a good player or not.” -Johann Cruyff

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