Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The Tuesday 10: Endorsement Deal Edition

You can just tell by his look how ridiculous he think this is.
Over the weekend, we tweeted a joke about how Tim Howard’s orange jersey with the U.S. National Team and camouflage one with Everton makes him a prime candidate for an endorsement with Cabela’s, Bass Pro Shop or some other hunting outfitter. That got the wheels turning, and we decided to come up with ten other soccer player endorsement deals that need to happen.

Juicy, indeed.
1. Bob Bradley for Juicy Couture – If anyone can pull off the Velour tracksuit, it’s our main man Skeletor.

2. Nigel de Jong for Allstate – You should have gotten Allstate to be better protected from mayhem, like him. 

3. Xavi for Coca-Cola – On the pitch, he’s the pause that refreshes.

4. Thierry Henry for Nestle – Oh Henry! proved he’s no Butterfingers against Ireland, and while he’s sometimes had issues in Crunch time, his goal-scoring record has made him worth well over 100 Grand.

5. Johan Cruyff for Rosetta Stone – He’s perfect for this one, as he speaks Dutch, English and Spanish, none of them fluently.

6. Ezequiel Lavezzi for the T-Mobile Sidekick – At the beginning of last year I remember there being some doubt or confusion as to who was Batman and who was Robin. Not really anymore.

7. David De Gea for Krispy Kreme – For reasons too obvious to enumerate here.

Perfect choice for “the Glass Man”.
8. Arjen Robben for Pier 1 Imports – Like Robben, everything inside of one of their stores is breakable.

9. Gary Lineker for Hanes – An even better choice than Michael Jordan, in our opinion, as he’s sure to know whetherany, erm, stain, washes out.

10. Peter Crouch for Virgin Atlantic – If his famous response to the question “What would you be if you weren’t a footballer?” isn’t worth an endorsement deal, I don’t know what is.

About “The Other 87 Minutes”

What is this new site we’re exposing you too? We’ll let them explain:

The Other 87 seeks to provide something that’s not instant analysis or eve of matchday previews. Think of us as the good bits of your favorite soccer coverage: the profiles that examine what makes a certain player tick, the historical background that sheds some light on how the sport has evolved to the present day, the silly features that are more than just tacking names on a list, but considering and explaining why each one deserves to be there.
O87 wants to be a home for soccer writing that makes you think, but that also treats the game as just that, a game. The greatest game, the one we obsess over and fixate on, to the point where we can’t read that gas costs 3.43 a gallon without thinking of Ajax’s 1995 Champions League winning team. But a game nonetheless.
“When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball three minutes on average. The best players – the Zidanes, Ronaldinhos, Gerrards – will have the ball maybe four minutes. Lesser players – defenders – probably two minutes. So, the most important thing is: what do you do those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball…. That is what determines whether you’re a good player or not.” -Johann Cruyff


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