The Tuesday XI: Expect You To Die Edition
Planting the Seed of Soccer Across America: Danny Beerseed
By “The Other 87 Minutes” / Senior Unemployed English Major Correspondents
This week's Tuesday XI recognizes that there are far more important things to discuss than today's U.S. presidential election: This Friday's impending stateside release of Skyfall, the 23rd James Bond movie. Bond films are big deals here at our site, mostly because we're always looking for an excuse to wear our tuxedos to the movie theater. In honor of the movie, we've put together a squad made up of some of Bond's most memorable villains.
GK – Auric Goldfinger – Goldfinger knows the value of a clean sheet: his master plan, the irradiation of Fort Knox's gold supply with a nuclear bomb, is all about denying others their wealth to increase the value of his own.
Libero – Ernst Stavro Blofield – Prefers to scheme in the back of the action, but is nonetheless capable of launching overwhelming attacks when the occasion calls for it.
LB – Red Grant – This SPECTRE agent with a poor grasp of wine pairings has plenty of experience battling in tight quarters along the sidelines.
CB – Jaws – Despite his size, smaller opponents are still occasionally able to get the better of him in aerial battles:
CB – Oddjob – Communication can be a bit of an issue in the back since neither of our center backs ever speak, but they make up for it with their imposing statures and fearsome physicality.
RB – Max Zorin – Has molded himself into a fearsome competitor by virtue of his Nazi steroids and inexorable Christopher Walken-ness.
LCM – Xenia Onatopp – Always strong in the tackle, more than one opposing playmaker has met at an end at her powerful legs.
CM – Dr. No – His teammates never could understand his habit of wearing his shirt with collar popped and starched.
RCM – Le Chiffre – A cool and calculating player who's nonetheless capable of some real Vinnie Jones-level brutality when it comes down to it.
CF – Francisco (There's a trivia answer for you) Scaramanga – The Man with the Golden Boot never misses, needing just one chance to put his opponents down for good.
CF – Emilio Largo – Depth perception can be a bit of a problem for him, but he's used to being the Number Two option on a team such as this.
What is this new site we're exposing you too? We'll let them explain:
“The Other 87 seeks to provide something that’s not instant analysis or eve of matchday previews. Think of us as the good bits of your favorite soccer coverage: the profiles that examine what makes a certain player tick, the historical background that sheds some light on how the sport has evolved to the present day, the silly features that are more than just tacking names on a list, but considering and explaining why each one deserves to be there.
O87 wants to be a home for soccer writing that makes you think, but that also treats the game as just that, a game. The greatest game, the one we obsess over and fixate on, to the point where we can’t read that gas costs 3.43 a gallon without thinking of Ajax’s 1995 Champions League winning team. But a game nonetheless.
“When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball three minutes on average. The best players – the Zidanes, Ronaldinhos, Gerrards – will have the ball maybe four minutes. Lesser players – defenders – probably two minutes. So, the most important thing is: what do you do those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball…. That is what determines whether you’re a good player or not.” –Johann Cruff
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