How can we make the United States fall in love with soccer? Buy your friends a beer and watch as a lifelong love affair with the beautiful game begins. Learn more.

The Tuesday Ten: Settling This Like Men Edition

By “The Other 87 Minutes” Senior Unemployed English Major Correspondents

Being Americans, we've been hearing a lot recently, albeit tangentially, about some kinds of debates or something that have been going on around these parts. Here at The Other 87, we're not much for talking out our differences. It sounds kind of boring to be honest, and that's why we settle editorial disagreements via a complex system that combines tic-tac-toe and the Joust event from American Gladiators.

With that in mind (somewhere towards the back, tucked between the bits that are trying to work out the seeding possibilities in the Eastern Conference and those that are wondering what's for dinner tonight) we present to you ten hot topics in the world of soccer, along with the methods by which we'd like to see them settled.

1. Who's the better player, Neymar or Messi?

Pele and Maradona will debate this over the course of 15 rounds of three minutes each. Bare-knuckle.

2. Who should have hosted the 2022 World Cup, Qatar or the USA?

We'll settle this with a two-on-two match between celebrity sponsors of the bids: Pep Guardiola and Zinedine Zidane vs. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Spike Lee. Ohh well.

Sorry. You can choose only one.

3. Who will win the World Cup in 2014, Spain or the field?

Spain selects Xavi as its spiritual and philosophical champion. Unfortunately, the contest is arm-wrestling, and the field's contender is Brazil's Hulk.

4. Who is hotter is more famous, Alex Morgan or Hope Solo?

Whoever can devise a shorter chain linking them to Kevin Bacon wins.

5. Who is hotter was the bigger catch for their adopted league, David Beckham or Alessandro Del Piero?

Only one option here: A walk-off, judged by David Bowie.

6. The short-passing, possession style vs. a direct, long-ball game?

Johan Cruyff and the ghost of Charles Reep will have a staring contest. This one could take a while.

7. Who's the best US midfielder? Michael Bradley vs. the Field

They'll play king of the hill on the tallest, rustiest jungle gym we can find.

Error. Error.

8. Who's had a better career? Frank Lampard or Steven Gerrard?

We were going to let the men themselves decide this with a good, old-fashioned game of FIFA, but we only brought one controller, so they couldn't play together.

9. Financial fair play laws vs. the status quo

We'll decide this by entering Karl Marx and Rich Uncle Pennybags into the World Beard and Mustache Championships.

10. Who's the better talking head: Eric Wynalda or Alexi Lalas?

Alright, maybe we will let them talk this one out. But in a small padded room, far from any cameras or microphones, until they come to an agreement for themselves.

About “The Other 87 Minutes”

What is this new site we're exposing you too? We'll let them explain:

“The Other 87 seeks to provide something that’s not instant analysis or eve of matchday previews. Think of us as the good bits of your favorite soccer coverage: the profiles that examine what makes a certain player tick, the historical background that sheds some light on how the sport has evolved to the present day, the silly features that are more than just tacking names on a list, but considering and explaining why each one deserves to be there.

O87 wants to be a home for soccer writing that makes you think, but that also treats the game as just that, a game. The greatest game, the one we obsess over and fixate on, to the point where we can’t read that gas costs 3.43 a gallon without thinking of Ajax’s 1995 Champions League winning team. But a game nonetheless.

“When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball three minutes on average. The best players – the Zidanes, Ronaldinhos, Gerrards – will have the ball maybe four minutes. Lesser players – defenders – probably two minutes. So, the most important thing is: what do you do those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball…. That is what determines whether you’re a good player or not.” –Johann Cruff

Tags: The Other 87 Minutes, Tuesday 10/XI

Check out all the great FBM gear in our "Swag Store".

blog comments powered by Disqus