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The Tuesday Ten: MLS Goes to Hollywood

By Eric Betts / Senior List Making Correspondent

Like Hollywood executives and soccer front offices everywhere, we're firm believers here that you can never have too much of a good thing. So after the runaway success of the ingenious Mike Magee's Day Off last week, here are ten other movie classics KickTV should look into putting their own spin on.

1. The Wizards of Oz: There's no place like home for this Kansas-based cast. FCKC Rookie of the Year winner Erika Tymrak stars as Dorothy alongside SKC's Matt Besler (Scarecrow), Aurelien Collin (Tin Man) and Graham Zusi (Cowardly Lion). The Original Wizard, Preki, returns to plays the big man himself, while CJ Sapong and Benny Feilhaber fill in as the Good and Wicked witches.

2. The Philadelphia Story: Why bother with Rocky when you can have Amobi Okugo, Zac MacMath and Brian Carroll competing for the affections of lovely team owner Kelley O'Hara? No, you really want Rocky? Fine. Local-ish boy (Andrew Wenger) trained by ancient bruiser (Conor Casey) to fight charismatic champion (Dom Dwyer). Done.

3. The Sandlot: Since it was filmed on location in Salt Lake City, this one's easy:

Smalls – Luis GIl
Benny – Nick Rimando
Ya-Ya – Javier Morales
Ham – Nat Borchers
Squints – Sebastian Velasquez
Kenny – Ned Grabavoy
Timmy – Joao Plata
Tommy – Alvaro Saborio
Bertram – Devon Sandoval
The Beast – Kyle Beckerman
James Earl Jones – Chris Schuler

4. Clerks: Everyone's favorite New Jersey team stars in this quintessential New Jersey film. Tim Cahill and Dax McCarty play futsal on the roof as Dante and Randal, while Bradley Wright-Phillips and Thierry Henry costar as Jay and Silent Bob.

5. Fargo: North Dakota/Minnesota are basically America's Canada anyway, so our friends from the Great White North take the lead on this one. Christine Sinclair as Marge Gunderson. Jay DeMerit gets to play with his Upper Midwest inflections as Jerry Lundegaard, with Steve Nash filling in capably as overbearing father-in-law Wade Gustafson. Michael Bradley and Marco Di Vaio fit perfectly into the Peter Stromare and Steve Buscemi parts, eh?

6. Pulp Fiction: This L.A. classic gets a mostly L.A. cast: Robbie Rogers as Vincent; Gyasi Zardes as Jules, Carlos Bocanegra as Butch, Mauro Rosales as Lance, and the back of Bruce Arena's head as Marcellus Wallace, you know, during his tamer scenes. Omar rides his strong performance in the Magee video to a spot as the Wolf, where his skill at arriving at the last minute to put out fires comes in handy. Sprinkle in Kekuta Manneh as Marvin (sorry Kekuta) and Megan Rapinoe as Mia Wallace, and you're in for another classic. What do they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Leeds, Vincent?

7. The Rock: Experienced veteran stuck in a bad situation (Chris Wondolowski) helps unexperienced younger man (Tommy Thompson) break into heavily fortified Bay Area compound guarded by team of highly trained killers (Alan Gordon, Steven Lenhart, uhh, Clarence Goodson) and their leader (Victor Bernardez). Gratuitous late fireworks for everyone!

8. Dazed and Confused: Austin doesn't have an MLS team, so the Texas teams come together for this bit of Linklater genius. Young Kellyn Acosta spends much of the movie fleeing from Ben Affleck-impersonating bully Tally Hall. Matt Hedges gets top billing as Randall “Pink” Floyd, but we all know the real star is Brad Davis, who gets to feel the wind in his (fake) hair again as Wooderson, all right?

9. Boondock Saints: Lot of options for Boston, but who wants to see Kelyn Rowe as Will Hunting when you can have Andrew Farrell and Diego Fagundez in black trenchcoats terminating mobsters with extreme prejudice?

10. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: Alex Morgan sheds her America's Sweetheart image with a chilling turn as Nurse Ratched. Liam Ridgewell as the edgy outsider who shakes things up in the ward by reenacting a World Cup game the inmates are forbidden from watching. Featuring Donovan Ricketts as Chief Bromden, Diego Valeri as uptight Dale Harding, Darlington Nagbe as Charlie Cheswik, Will Johnson as the stuttering Billy Bibbit, and the Timbers Army as everyone else.

About Eric

Eric Betts is a freelancer writer who lives in Austin, Texas with his wife and his dog Lando (yup). While attending the Emory University he won “College Jeopardy”. His pop culture references end somewhere around 2002.

Tags: Eric Betts, The Other 87 Minutes, Tuesday 10/XI

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