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The Tuesday Ten: Jurgen’s Bright Ideas Edition

By “The Other 87 Minutes” / Senior Unemployed English Major Correspondents

We here at The Other 87 like to fancy ourselves a collection of tactical whiz kids, and so when we say that this week's Tuesday Ten is a collection of ten possible scenarios Jurgen Klinsmann is considering as he looks to turn the tide back against the Reggae Boyz tonight, you can be sure that you'll see at least of couple of these bright ideas on the pitch.

1. While seeking to combat the problem of poor ball movement among his midfield diamond, JK realizes that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and so removes Herculez Gomez in favor of Jose Torres, who will play in the center of the midfield diamond, allowing the ball to move through rather than just along the sides.

2. After realizing that Barcelona are pretty good and it seems to work for them, JK inserts yet another center midfielder onto the pitch by removing Clarence Goodson and replacing him with Danny Williams in order to move Mo Edu into the backline next to the CM-certified Geoff Cameron.

Williams, left, with Dempsey

3. To help Clint Dempsey get the ball in dangerous positions, JK removes Gomez and plays Danny Williams and his youthful legs as the designated Deuce transport, responsible for carrying Dempsey and his bass-fishing fitness levels around the field and putting him down just in time for the ball to arrive.

4. Amputates Kyle Beckerman's foot at the ankle to prevent future unfortunate deflections, correctly surmising that it can't really hurt his mobility too much.

5. Realizing it’s only a matter of time before this strategy comes to fruition, JK works with Jozy to adjust the levels of the camouflage he was wearing Friday to better match the field in Columbus.

6. JK determines that the critical missing ingredient Friday was the natural goal-scoring instincts of Michael Orozco Fiscal.

7. JK again decides that the tendency of Fabian Johnson to both attack and defend in the same game is a luxury the team can’t afford, and shackles him once more to Tim Howard’s left goalpost.

Klinsmann's next motivational speaker?

8. JK takes his motivational tactics/mind games to a new level by suggesting that if Landon Donovan really loved his team and his country, he would have had his hamstring amputated, Ronnie Lott-style, in order to be ready to play against Jamaica.

9. Frustrated at his midfield’s inability to solve the Kobayashi Maru of retaining possession when every possible easy outlet is just as likely to give the ball away as you are, JK pulls them all and starts Graham Zusi by himself as the only central midfield.

10. JK says screw it and lets the team start trying on set pieces again.

About “The Other 87 Minutes”

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“The Other 87 seeks to provide something that’s not instant analysis or eve of matchday previews. Think of us as the good bits of your favorite soccer coverage: the profiles that examine what makes a certain player tick, the historical background that sheds some light on how the sport has evolved to the present day, the silly features that are more than just tacking names on a list, but considering and explaining why each one deserves to be there.

O87 wants to be a home for soccer writing that makes you think, but that also treats the game as just that, a game. The greatest game, the one we obsess over and fixate on, to the point where we can’t read that gas costs 3.43 a gallon without thinking of Ajax’s 1995 Champions League winning team. But a game nonetheless.

“When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball three minutes on average. The best players – the Zidanes, Ronaldinhos, Gerrards – will have the ball maybe four minutes. Lesser players – defenders – probably two minutes. So, the most important thing is: what do you do those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball…. That is what determines whether you’re a good player or not.” –Johann Cruff

Tags: Jurgen Klinsmann, satire, The Other 87 Minutes, Tuesday 10/XI, USMNT

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