Monday, November 21, 2011

The Tuesday XI: Most Sensational, Inspirational, Celebrational, Muppetational Edition

By "The Other 87 Minutes" / Senior Unemployed English Major Correspondents


Forget Thanksgiving. This week we're honoring the release of the brand new Muppet movie with a line-up of our favorite furry or feathered puppet pals.
The Muppets are one-of-a-kind, endlessly creative, slightly manic, and a fantastic team to boot, so, naturally, we made them Total Footballers. 
GK - Sam the Eagle — Top-notch goalkeeping. It is the American Way.
SW - Swedish Chef — Like any club team, our Muppet squad can have problems with the language barrier. Luckily the Swedish for “offside trap” is just “offffseede-a trep”
LB - Statler — (He's the one without the mustache.) One of our two masters of the Dark Arts. No one draws more cards than him, except maybe his partner on the other flank.
CB - Ms. Piggy — Big (but don’t tell her we said that) and physical, if Piggy doesn’t get the ball she’s certainly going to get the man.
RB - Waldorf — Fortunately he and Statler have Ms. Piggy between them. Otherwise we’d never keep them on opposite sides of the field.
LM - Dr. Bunsen — The good doctor is constantly inventing chances for our forwards.
CM - Animal — Our own little furry Johan Neeskens. He attacks the ball like a heat-seeking missile; all we have to do is wind him up and let him go.
RM - Beaker — Our Dutch-style midfield features a playmaker, a destroyer and a runner, with Beaker fulfilling the last role. He’s forever providing support to both the attack and defense in his own high energy way. For some reason, he’s also the player who always seems to get hit when they’re lined up in the wall.
LW - Kermit the Frog — Our Piet Keizer-like leader, his spindly limbs and surprising athleticism give him no end of dribbling moves with which to beat his opponent.
Our Muppet front line in action.
CF - The Great Gonzo — The Muppets’ mad genius takes on the Johan Cruyff role, always popping up on the field where he’s least expected and causing havoc with his unpredictably.
RW - Fozzie Bear — An interesting tactical wrinkle for the squad. Since Fozzie’s used to being the target of other Muppets’ jokes, of Statler and Waldorf’s barbs, of various pieces of thrown produce and rubber chickens, he plays here as a right-sided target forward, providing an outlet when Gonzo is helping work the ball through midfield and crashing the back to post to get on the end of long balls.

About "The Other 87 Minutes"

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The Other 87 seeks to provide something that’s not instant analysis or eve of matchday previews. Think of us as the good bits of your favorite soccer coverage: the profiles that examine what makes a certain player tick, the historical background that sheds some light on how the sport has evolved to the present day, the silly features that are more than just tacking names on a list, but considering and explaining why each one deserves to be there.
O87 wants to be a home for soccer writing that makes you think, but that also treats the game as just that, a game. The greatest game, the one we obsess over and fixate on, to the point where we can’t read that gas costs 3.43 a gallon without thinking of Ajax’s 1995 Champions League winning team. But a game nonetheless.
“When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball three minutes on average. The best players - the Zidanes, Ronaldinhos, Gerrards - will have the ball maybe four minutes. Lesser players - defenders - probably two minutes. So, the most important thing is: what do you do those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball…. That is what determines whether you’re a good player or not.” -Johann Cruyff
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