The Tuesday XI: “The Wire” Edition

Planting the Seed of Soccer Across America: Danny Beerseed

By "The Other 87 Minutes" / Senior Unemployed English Major Correspondents

This May will mark the ten year anniversary of television's greatest ever drama, The Wire. In honor of David Simon's brainchild, we present two Baltimore city line-ups - the 'good' guys and the 'bad' guys. You may notice a few big names missing (chiefly Omar, who doesn't fit neatly on either team, Prez, who's a perennial f**k-up, and the dockworkers, who everyone forgot about anyway). Forgive us for that.

The Good Guys

GK – Lester Freamon – He could be painting dollhouse furniture and still pull out a brilliant save between the sticks. He also keeps a level head when the rest of the team loses discipline.

LB – Ellis Carver – Known to bash a few skulls, but commands his troops well. Carver provides outlet passes to Bunny Colvin ahead of him, but also has the talent to switch wings with his partner, Herc Hauk.

LCB – Cedric Daniels – Tall, imposing, disciplined. What more could ask of a world class defender? Despite his age, Cedric shows tremendous upshot.

RCB – Rhonda Pearlman – Partners well with Daniels in the back. The two take turns cleaning up messes. When all else fails, she uses her charm to appeal to the ref.

RB – Herc Hauk – Along with Carver, Herc ensures nothing gets into the box. While intelligence isn’t always his forte, he muscles any hoodlums stupid enough to challenge his authority.

CDM – Bubbles – Tactically, Bubbles knows the opposition inside and out. With this insight, he shrewdly predicts every play and provides outlet passes to Kima ahead of him.

LCM – Bunny Colvin – Our warhorse. He’ll try anything to break the opposition, even if it means allowing them to play their game.

RCM – Tommy Carcetti – Carcetti has the energy and guile to go on the offensive, especially when he identifies a weakness in his marker.

CAM – Kima Greggs – She would take a bullet for her team, and that’s exactly why we want her providing support for the front line.

LS – Bunk Moreland – Our target man. While Bunk lacks in speed or athleticism, he more than makes up for in persistence and strength.

RS – Jimmy McNulty – Opposite Moreland, McNulty cracks open the defense with risky runs, often to the displeasure of the coaching staff.

The Bad Guys

GK – Stringer Bell – Because of this attacking formation, we need an intelligent goalkeeper capable of reading the opposition and deflecting any attacks.

LB – Wallace – Runs up and down the wing, often unsure of his position. Uses D’Angelo for guidance.

LCB – Clay Davis – Senator Davis is more than willing to take the ball from Stringer and distribute it as he sees fit. (Editor: Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.....)

RCB – Proposition Joe – Prop Joe is by far the most cautious member of the squad. While his teammates are eager to attack, he waits patiently and watches for the counter.

RB – D’Angelo Barksdale – Like Wallace, D is often unsure of his position, but is intelligent enough to play capably in both halves of the field.

LCM – Chris Partlow – Always one step ahead of the opposition, Chris is the left side of our midfield triangle.

RCM – Snoop – Our bruiser. In spite of her size and age, Snoop isn’t afraid to put in a hard tackle if she’s asked to do so.

CM – Marlo –Marlo is ruthless in his pursuit of victory, but doesn’t come to life until the second half.

LAM – Slim Charles – Often at odds with Stringer’s instructions from the back, Charles acts as provider in the box.

RAM – Bodie – Distrustful of the midfield lineup, Bodie often creates his own goals, especially when Avon is out of position.

ST – Avon Barksdale – If Stringer is the calming voice for the squad, Avon is the banshee’s scream. However, as the head of the attack, you can’t blame his enthusiasm for forcing the issue.

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The Other 87 seeks to provide something that’s not instant analysis or eve of matchday previews. Think of us as the good bits of your favorite soccer coverage: the profiles that examine what makes a certain player tick, the historical background that sheds some light on how the sport has evolved to the present day, the silly features that are more than just tacking names on a list, but considering and explaining why each one deserves to be there.
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“When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball three minutes on average. The best players – the Zidanes, Ronaldinhos, Gerrards – will have the ball maybe four minutes. Lesser players – defenders – probably two minutes. So, the most important thing is: what do you do those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball…. That is what determines whether you’re a good player or not.” –Johann Cruyff

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Tags: Tuesday 10/XI

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