The Tuesday XI - Star Wars Edition

Planting the Seed of Soccer Across America: Danny Beerseed

By "The Other 87 Minutes" / Senior Unemployed English Major Correspondents

We’re getting prepped for this Friday’s Star Wars Day – you know, that whole “May the Fourth be with you” thing – with a team of characters from the franchise’s Original Trilogy. (Sorry Jedi Sam Jackson and Grand Admiral Thrawn, maybe next time). Since it’s a true movie classic, they’re lined up in a classic 4-4-2, with Manchester United’s passer-runner set-up in the center of the midfield.

GK – Darth Vader – Not as mobile as he was in his youth, he’s still an imposing Force in goal.

"Good shot, Jensen!"

LB – Wedge Antilles – High-flying master of aerial bombardment. His game improved dramatically once he learned to worry about those fighters and let someone else worry about the tower.

CB – Chewbacca – More than one opposing manager has admitted to suggesting a new strategy to their teams during the break: Let the Wookie win.

CB – Emperor Palpatine – A ball-playing central defender, manipulating the game while staying far from the front lines. We moved him into the back after we couldn’t get his midfield partnership with Yoda to work out.

RB – Obi-Wan Kenobi – Despite his advanced years, he’s still an elegant player, for a more civilized age.

LM – Han Solo – Cocky to a fault, but has Dempsey-like timing and a knack for creating chances out of nothing. He’s one bad nerf-herder.

CM – Yoda –  Like Xavi and Messi, Yoda’s dominance proves that size matters not when you’ve got Force-aided vision and a telekinetic touch.

CM – Luke Skywalker – All-action, do everything dynamo. He comes to the rescue on defense one minute and the next is hitting precision shots at a target that’s well more than two-meter’s wide.

RM – Lando Calrissian – Smooth on the ball yet a cunning opportunist when he spies an opening. The fans are still talking about his little maneuver during the match against Taanab.

CF – IG-88 – Joining this team has only given more fuel to those who claim he’s a heartless mercenary, but his towering frame and lethal arsenal in front of goal make him worth the price.

It's a classic big man, badass strike partnership.

CF – Boba Fett – Gerd Muller with a jet pack. He can and will do anything to get the goal.

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The Other 87 seeks to provide something that’s not instant analysis or eve of matchday previews. Think of us as the good bits of your favorite soccer coverage: the profiles that examine what makes a certain player tick, the historical background that sheds some light on how the sport has evolved to the present day, the silly features that are more than just tacking names on a list, but considering and explaining why each one deserves to be there.
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“When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball three minutes on average. The best players – the Zidanes, Ronaldinhos, Gerrards – will have the ball maybe four minutes. Lesser players – defenders – probably two minutes. So, the most important thing is: what do you do those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball…. That is what determines whether you’re a good player or not.” –Johann Cruyff

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Tags: The Other 87 Minutes, Tuesday 10/XI

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