The Tuesday XI: Gangsta’s Paradise Edition
Planting the Seed of Soccer Across America: Danny Beerseed
As you all know, next week marks the 81st anniversary of the "The Public Enemy," the classic James Cagney gangster film that...
Ohh, forget it. Truth is, we meant to do this list on the 40th anniversary of the release of "The Godfather," but totally forgot about it during the week of March 15. (Forgive us, will you?) So now, a month late but no worse for the wear, we present our Gangster XI, lined up in an old school catenaccio formation.
|Crime never looked so good|
GK – Jabba the Hutt – Still playing in goal thanks to the big money contract he signed, even though at 3.9 meters long he’s not really very good at what he was signed to do – sit on the line and stop every shot that came his way.
SW – Winston Wolf – He solves problems, thinking and moving quickly to clean up the messes left by everyone in front of him.
LB – Tommy Vercetti – Vice City’s young up-and-comer will do anything – including sending in crosses, scoring goals and putting in a defensive shift on the left side – to get ahead.
CB – Kingpin – Marvel’s head gangster has battled Spider-Man, Daredevil, Captain America and the Punisher. Don’t let the weight (or Michael Clarke Duncan) fool you, the man’s an unrivalled physical presence in the center.
RCB – Tony Soprano – Needs to work on his stamina, as he tends to black out by the time stoppage time rolls around.
|Are you talking to him? Are you talking to him?|
CDM – Tommy DeVito – Short, angry and vicious, there’s no one better to be our midfield enforcer.
Regista – Vito Corleone – The wily but aging Don is still the master string puller, and not afraid to get tough when the moment calls for it.
Tornante – Michael Corleone – Like most good criminal gangs, our team is a family affair. The younger Corleone strikes a balance between retreating to do his defensive work and moving forward into the attack.
LAM – Vic Vega – Perhaps not as direct as you might like in an attacking player, Vega still has the ability to dance around defenders as he tortures opposing back lines.
Deep-lying forward – Keyser Soze – Don’t let the limp fool you, he’s deadly around the box. A master of coming out of nowhere to turn the game on its head with a late-winner.
CF – Cody Jarrett – Our line-leader has finally made it to the top of the world, Ma. When he gets going, his goal-scoring form can be white hot.
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“When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball three minutes on average. The best players – the Zidanes, Ronaldinhos, Gerrards – will have the ball maybe four minutes. Lesser players – defenders – probably two minutes. So, the most important thing is: what do you do those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball…. That is what determines whether you’re a good player or not.” –Johann Cruyff
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