The Tuesday 10- The Return of the League of Extraordinary Footballers Edition
Planting the Seed of Soccer Across America: Danny Beerseed
By "The Other 87 Minutes" / Senior Unemployed English Major Correspondents
In honor of the release of the Avengers, we're going back into our well of comparisons for ten more superhero-to-soccer player matches.
1. Superhero: Nightwing
Alter Ego: Robin van Persie
Once Thierry Henry left Arsenal, this one-time sidekick had to step up and become a hero all of his own. Now will he follow his namesake in shedding the red tights this summer?
2. Superhero: Iron Man
Alter Ego: Cristiano Ronaldo
Billionaire? Give it time. Genius? In a limited sense of the word I suppose so. Playboy? Most definitely. Philanthropist? He probably believes it. Slap a suit of armor on him and who could tell the difference?
3. Superhero: Ms. Marvel
Alter ego: Abby Wambach
According to Wikipedia, her powers include, "superhuman strength, endurance, stamina, flight, physical durability, a limited precognitive 'seventh sense', and a perfectly amalgamated human/Kree physiology that rendered her resistant to most toxins and poisons, with the added effect of making her body virtually indestructible." In other words, she's probably almost as good as Abby.
4. Superhero: The Atom
Alter Ego: Andres Iniesta
His ability to shrink himself allows him to slip by tackles that would maim a normal-sized player, while his tiny stature gives him an understanding of the pitch on a molecular level.
5. Superhero: Captain Marvel
Alter Ego: Chelsea strikers
It was looking rough for young Chelsea. Their center forward was weak and ineffective, like an el niño playing with men.
Roman spoke his magic catchphrase, and suddenly there was a new striker in front of them. Big and powerful, capable of scoring in the air or with a free kick. Where did he come from? Will he still be leaving for China? Only time will tell...
6. Superhero: The Vision
Alter Ego: C.J. Sapong
Able to alter his density to become an immovable force on the ball up top or to ghost through defenders on the way to getting on the end of crosses.
7. Superhero: Thor
Alter Ego: Ola Toivonen
We're just kind of guessing here. Looks like we're smarter than Lois Lane ever was.
8. Superhero: The Black Cat
Alter Ego: Alex Morgan
Uses her super speed and amazing reflexes to steal a late goal time and time again.
9. Superhero: Dr. Strange
Alter Ego: Chris Wondolowski
Eleven goals in ten games so far this season? Somebody's got the magic touch.
10. Superhero: The Wonder Twins
Alter Ego: Thierry Henry and Kenny Cooper
When their powers combine, they are...wait, that's the wrong one. Let's just go to the tape:
About "The Other 87 Minutes"
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The Other 87 seeks to provide something that’s not instant analysis or eve of matchday previews. Think of us as the good bits of your favorite soccer coverage: the profiles that examine what makes a certain player tick, the historical background that sheds some light on how the sport has evolved to the present day, the silly features that are more than just tacking names on a list, but considering and explaining why each one deserves to be there.
O87 wants to be a home for soccer writing that makes you think, but that also treats the game as just that, a game. The greatest game, the one we obsess over and fixate on, to the point where we can’t read that gas costs 3.43 a gallon without thinking of Ajax’s 1995 Champions League winning team. But a game nonetheless.
“When you play a match, it is statistically proven that players actually have the ball three minutes on average. The best players – the Zidanes, Ronaldinhos, Gerrards – will have the ball maybe four minutes. Lesser players – defenders – probably two minutes. So, the most important thing is: what do you do those 87 minutes when you do not have the ball…. That is what determines whether you’re a good player or not.” –Johann Cruyff
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